Dear Multilennials: It’s Not Us, It’s You

magritte

Dear Multilennials,

We have taken note of your expressed frustration from our last letter which you can see below, and will oblige your request to speak to a supervisor. Lucky for you, I was recently promoted to supervisor and will still be handling our correspondence.

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I know you’ll argue that ‘trigger warnings’ are just disclaimers to help the ever-rising cases of PTSD faced by students. It’s not. Once you start putting ‘trigger warnings’ on things, you have to keep adding them, actually keep adding them until they include things like the fear of small holes. If the patriarchy were really trying to hold you kids down, we’d be going along with your book banning, trigger warnings, safe spaces, and everything else that comes with the territory.

In education, it is to be expected that you will occasionally be confronted with things that make you uncomfortable. Back when I was a contested student at Bard College, my Halfrican-American boyfriend was visiting me the night I had to screen ‘Birth of a Nation’ for class, which actually is a racist movie. One of the worst moments in the film is when a character remarks, “it’s the mulattos that are especially dangerous, because they possess the cunning of a white with the animalism of a black.” When my boyfriend heard that line, he was not triggered or traumatized – he giggled and rolled his eyes before we exchanged Clintons under our jackets. Later he said, “I don’t think I’d like your major”; he majored in fashion marketing and was happy as a clam. That’s how it should always go.

In high school and college, I was assigned books about the Holocaust, cross-continental slavery, rape, genocide, and pretty much anything else one could consider ‘traumatizing’. That’s the point of education. Imagine if a student stood up in geometry class, started crying because his father was killed by an isosceles icicle, and we subsequently had to ban the study of shapes?

Not allowing yourself to be open to other ideas is admitting that you are incapable of meeting the requirements of your degree and you should be removed from that department, not attempt to change the department to suit your manufactured sensitivities. Your professors even think you’re idiots when you do this. If you’re not willing to learn, then you have no business taking classes with people who do.

Thank you,
Lucian Wintrich

Gay Minority Oppressor
Head of Patriarchy Communications

Article written for Republican Girl Probs on April 11th, 2016

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